Two people just asked for help but the Weight Watchers leader went right on

I sat in my usual Weight Watcher’s meeting this morning and looked around at all of the new faces.  These folks were all brave enough to walk into a meeting and admit they needed to do something about their weight.  As I looked at their faces, I remembered my very first meeting.  I didn’t know what to expect.  I had heard about Weight Watchers but for some reason had never talked to anyone who had been a member.  I wondered what concerns were going through their minds.  Were they excited, nervous, determined?  Perhaps they were there because their family had urged them to do “something” about their weight.  Doctors may have sent some and others may have had the same revelation I had when I saw the scale creep closer to the 400 lb. mark.  I knew I needed to change my life if I wanted to continue living my life.  Here we all were in the same meeting.  We all have issues with food!

Today’s topic was portion control.  I smiled when I typed that because if we didn’t have issues with portion control we wouldn’t need to be at a Weight Watcher’s meeting.  We talked about how we manage portions and were given an index card and a crayon to score how well we do on a daily basis.  On a 1-10 scale, I wrote down an 8.  This surprised some folks who know how long I have been a member and how well I have done but I was being honest.  There are days and/or some foods that still cause me to have portion control problems.  Here is just a sampling of the foods I have problems with: homemade chocolate chip cookies still warm from the oven, Baskin Robins Rocky Road ice cream, a pound bag of peanut M&Ms, a full size bag of potato chips, HOT McDonald’s french fries, movie theater buttered popcorn, and pizza!  Do I know what a portion of these foods are, absolutely, but portion control is still, and probably always will be an issue for me when dealing with these foods.  Do I over indulge in them because I am hungry?  Nope!  I LOVE them and so I find myself eating them with reckless abandon until I find myself uncomfortable from eating far too much.  So you might ask, Didn’t you realize you were full?  Hmm, did I notice I was getting full; that I was full?

This is where today’s Weight Watcher’s meeting failed at least two of its members.  You see on two different occasions two different members said the exact same words; “I don’t know when I am full.”  The leader went right on with her class.  She didn't even pause.  I was sitting in my chair silently screaming, “I understand.  Me too!”-she kept going.  I have a theory as to why this happened.  My leader earned her Lifetime after losing 30 pounds.  Thirty pounds is a nice bit of weight but doesn’t compare to the weight the two who spoke up have to lose, that I had to lose.  I think she went on because she didn’t understand how someone can’t know they are full.  Tonight I want to say to those members who sat silently in that meeting feeling ignored that I heard you and I understand.  I am sorry I didn’t speak up in class and tell you that, so I am saying it now.  I am just like you.  Even after reaching my goal there are still days when I don’t know I am full until I am so full I feel sick.  Next time I will not be silent.  Next time maybe I will be the leader and we will stop and talk about it and I will understand.

What does love mean?

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1Corinthians 13)

He was 16 and she was 15 when they met that July and yet something deep inside her told her this boy was different, special, worth getting to know.  She didn't have a lot of time to get to know him because he was getting ready to go to Sweden as a Rotary International exchange student for the year and yet they had enough time.  They wrote letters back and forth once, sometimes twice a week, and he called her on Christmas Day, something that had to be prearranged in those days.  They talked for just a few minutes yet it was enough.  He returned home at the end of his school year abroad and they spent the summer together and the next year until he graduated from high school and immediately headed off to college.  They continued to date and when he was home you rarely saw one without the other.  She had a moment of doubt her freshman year in college and broke off their relationship despite the fact they had already picked out an engagement ring.  Her mother was furious with her.  He was brokenhearted.  He returned the ring.  She dated other boys often calling them by "his" name.  By Christmas she realized her mistake and called him hoping to re-establish a relationship, begging for forgiveness; he was dating someone else but they talked and before long they were together again.  They married, had 2 children (a girl and a boy) and have battled the ups and downs that come with any relationship; the good times outweighing the difficult ones.  It is now 40 years since they met.  They have been married 35 years.  She has been with him for more than 70 percent of her life and yet she still loves him with her heart and soul.  Yesterday was Valentine's Day and the card she gave him could not begin to express the depth of her love for him and so she is sharing this on her blog but writing it for him.  

To my loving husband, Jay, who I love more than words can ever express.  Thank you for sharing your love and your life with me.  You continue to show me what love is in everything you do.  I am blessed to have found you but know without a shadow of a doubt that God arranged our meeting at that church paper drive 40 years ago.

Here are some profound answers from children when asked; "What does love mean?" 

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.  So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' 

Terri - age 4

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7

My favorite is a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'   

I know the answer to what does love mean.  I hope you do too! 

The answer isn't in there

I am an elementary school nurse.  Today I got home from work two hours later than I normally do because my "kids" are coming to me in groups of two, three and even four all with similar complaints; fever, headache, and sore throat.  I believe I can say with certainty we are in the midst of the "funk."  The time it takes to document their visits is what caused me to be at school later than usual today.  I am tired!!  I walked in the door at home, played with my dog and then opened the kitchen cabinet and started looking for what I could find to eat.  Am I hungry?

When you see as many children as I did today you grab lunch when you can get it and that usually follows the first chance you have had to go to the bathroom. I chose going to the bathroom first today only because if I  waited another second my super bladder would have burst!  I ate lunch at 2:40 PM.  My breakfast this morning was at 6:30 AM.  I know that is too long to go without food or a snack but that is what happened.  

I stood looking in the kitchen cabinets, moved on to the refrigerator and then back to the cabinets when somewhere a small voice inside my head asks, "Are you hungry?"  I stopped looking.  I am not hungry; after

all I didn't eat lunch until 2:40 and it is only  a few minutes past 5.  So what am I doing in the kitchen, looking for something to eat?  I am tired.  It has been an exhausting day.  I am spent but I am not hungry.  I am looking for something to make it all better.  FOOD preferably something chocolate would cure all that is wrong with me or would it....

I stopped myself from eating something I didn't need because I wasn't hungry.  Today was the first time in a REALLY long time I was able to recognize what was happening before I ate only to feel guilty later.  So what did I do to "make it all better?"  I sat down at the keyboard and wrote this post.  :)

Oh, and the next time this happens (probably tomorrow) I hope I can remember the answer isn't in there and get out of the kitchen fast!!

Objects in the mirror

I have a problem with the mirror or more specifically what I see when I look in the mirror.  I think my mind has disconnected from my body or at least my eyes from my brain.  You see when I was huge, and I do mean huge, I would look in the mirror and still go ahead and tuck my shirt into my pants and put on a belt.  I thought I looked good.  I never saw what other people saw when they looked at me.  Looking back, I think this protected my feelings but it also allowed me to deny the image staring back at me.  I wonder how much sooner I would have made the commitment to get rid of the weight had I seen what everyone else saw.

I have lost more than 50% of my previous body weight and I continue to have issues with the mirror.  I can't get my head to recognize what my eyes see.  Conversations with my children have gone like this:

     me: "Do you see that woman over there?"

     them: "Yes, Mom"

     me:  "Am I as big as she is?"

     them:  "No Mom!"

     me:  "Are you sure or are you just saying that because that is what
             you think I want to hear?"

Time and time again I would ask the same question of each of them always getting the same answer and yet not quite sure whether or not to believe them.  I look at pictures of me "before" and wonder how I could not have seen in the mirror what stared back at me so clearly in those photos.  Was I protecting myself?

I have new clothes and many new photographs but I still have the same mirror.  I look at myself from every angle, with and without clothes and I see the loose skin but I still don't trust what I see.  Every once in a while I will glance at the store window and catch a reflection of myself and have to take a second look.  For that brief second or two that reflection causes me to do a double take as I realize I am looking at me and I look pretty good!

Today I have decided to start trusting the reflection in the window and am promising to never again ask my children to make a comparison between me and  a random stranger.  Trusting my reflection in the mirror may take a while longer!

The other day a friend told me my waist is now "tiny".  I think I may have to work on my ears next.  :)

I Did A Guest Blog!

I love reading other people's blogs especially when they are about Weight Watchers or weight loss.  A while ago I stumbled upon a great blog called "1972: The retro WW Experiment".  Mimi, the blogger had an original Jean Nidetch (WW founder) cookbook and was inviting her readers to request a recipe, cook it and then blog about it.  You know I couldn't resist.  I emailed her and got my recipe.  Check out her blog to read my post and view what I cooked up.  Oh and be sure to leave your comments!  I am the Incredible Edible post #4!

Check out the Skinny Jeans Project here.

Exercise

"A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise."  A. A. Milne

I teach Aqua Aerobics at the YMCA every Friday evening at 6 PM.  Tonight there were 17 extraordinary people in my class.  Do you have any idea what makes them extraordinary?  I do!  They are extraordinary because it was Friday night at 6 PM, the end of a very busy week for most and they chose to come to the Y and exercise, for an hour, in an Aqua Aerobics class when most people are doing everything except exercising.  It was a choice they made to do something good for themselves and their fitness.  The 17 people who were in class tonight were all regulars - not one of them was someone who came because of a New Year's resolution.  They came for their own reasons and the amazing thing is they keep coming back, week after week.  While I would love to say it is because I am a great teacher (I try really hard) the simple fact is they are there because they choose to be. 

When I began exercising I was morbidly obese.  Bending over to tie my shoes was a workout and it quickly left me out of breath.  The thought of going to a gym to exercise was terrifying so I had to come up with another option.   I decided the easiest thing for me to do was to walk.  I was not willing to take my huge self outside to walk so we bought a treadmill and put it in the basement.  The first time I got on the treadmill I set the pace at 1.2 mph and keep the level flat.  I walked 20 min (less than 1/2 mile) and thought I was going to die but I was proud.  I got back on the treadmill the next day and the next and the next and before long I was walking faster and longer.  I took my walking and my then 8 year old son, Adam, outside with me to walk.  We were fortunate to live in a community with miles of marked walking trails so we walked the trails.  I remember many afternoons spent walking with Adam while quizzing him on his spelling words or helping him study for a test.  What I didn't know was he grabbed the stop watch and would time me each day encouraging me to go faster, making me beat the previous day's time, and I did.  I was walking 13 minute miles while talking.

My exercise program progressed as my weight decreased.  I can easily walk a 4 mph pace on a treadmill without holding on and with an incline.  I have taught group cycle classes.  I take step/sculpt classes, Zumba classes, and I teach Aqua Aerobics.  Last year I walked 2 half marathons (13.1 miles).  I am fit and I am proud!  I never would have believed I would love to exercise but I do.

I would tell you anyone can do what I have done.  You begin with baby-steps - put on your tennis shoes and walk around the block and when that becomes easy add another block and another; before you know it you will be walking miles.  

If you are someone who has been exercising, I challenge you to do something different.   Stretch you limits, reach for a new goal.  Maybe it is joining a gym, walking or running a 5K, completing a half marathon or maybe even a full marathon.  It is amazing what you can achieve when you try.

I have a shirt that I bought in May the day before I participated in and completed the Flying Pig Half marathon (in the rain) that says:  "The miracle isn't that I finished.  The miracle is that I had the courage to start to begin with."

What are you going to do?

On being resolute

From this moment forward…I stop the blame game and excuses. I am responsible for my life and for where I am today. I cannot blame the people and circumstances in my past, and I refuse to hide behind my past mistakes.

~Lance Wubbels

This quote was from a newsletter I get daily called the Daily Inspiration.  It frequently focuses on leadership and business but today hit the nail on the head when it comes to my holiday eating.  I would have made the quote much simpler.  It would go like this:  "I ate it. I am wearing it. Everyone can see it."  The good news is I have done exactly what the quote says and stopped the excuses and accepted responsibility for where I am right now with my weight.  I own it!  I am now on day 4 of being resolute and doing well.  I have been exercising and enjoying the soreness that come from a body that forgets much too quickly all that I had it doing but soreness means change and that is good.  I have reigned in the mindless eating and am back on track and it really wasn't too hard.  I also had a cookie today and it was good but I only had one and that was enough.  That is progress!