Thursday, January 24, 2013

Striving for perfection

I feel I should explain why I have been silent for so long but I am afraid that my reasons are just like everyone else; I have been busy.  While this is true I also have to admit I haven't been moved to write anything that I felt was blog worthy.  I think carefully about what I choose to share and frequently find it so easy to sit and write a post, often inspired by something that just seems to pop into my head or affected by something I have seen or heard.  If you follow my blog you know I spend a lot of time writing about weight loss and related issues but none of this has seemed relevant until yesterday when I saw a post on Facebook.  It was a picture posted by Motivate Hope Strength and it caught my attention and resulted in me sharing it on my page.  Here is the post:

It's good right!  It is also ridiculous! No one in their right mind would smash their phone to bits simply because they dropped it.   This is a long stretch but don't miss the point it makes about making the wrong food choices;  you don't need to be perfect!  So you were eating well and then something happened, a chocolate iced, cream filled, Krispy Kreme donut perhaps, and you ate it!  The good choices became harder and then forgotten and you totally screw up your plan for the day.  So what?  Get over it!  We are all human and we make mistakes.  Sometimes we even make the choice knowing we are screwing up but you know what - life does not end and success is not out of reach.  Striving for perfection is not the goal.  Are you surprised I would say that?  The only thing I hope for on a daily basis is to do my best.  I mess up!  I make the choice to eat things for all the wrong reasons and sometimes I make the choice to eat something I know I could do without simply because I want it but I don't quit trying!  I have learned to forgive myself, to strive to be honest about the choices I make, and the reasons I make them and that undoing years of unhealthy habits does not happen quickly, easily or painlessly.  

I am not perfect.  I no longer strive for perfection.  I am good enough!

Friday, January 11, 2013

To the weight I have lost

I wrote this and posted it in October 2010 but tonight thought someone needed to know I understand how they are feeling right now.  Since writing this I have become a Weight Watchers leader, a job I love!  I am blessed to lead the Tuesday evening meeting and Saturday morning meetings in Rock Hill, SC.  Tomorrow, January 12, we are having One Amazing Day.  YOU can be AMAZING in 2013!  Come join us!

If you know me personally you know part of my story.  If you have been following my blog you have barely touched the edges of me.  Today I can share with anyone who wants to read this, a letter I wrote to the weight I have lost.  This letter was written after weighing in at my usual Weight Watcher's meeting and realizing I had lost more weight than I currently weighed.  The realization that I was less than half of who I once was overwhelmed me and so I tried to put those feelings into words. 

To the weight I have lost:

You are gone, good riddance!  I lugged you around way too long overwhelmed with the enormity of you. You no longer have any control or power over me.  I gave you way too much of my time and my life.  I hate you!  You stole years from me that I can never replace and filled me with frustration and sadness.  You made me feel ugly and stupid and inadequate.  You made me ashamed of myself.  You cheated me out of play time with my children as they ran through the sprinkler in the front yard and begged me to join them, when they climbed trees and when they built “forts” out of discarded furniture boxes which were far too small for me to get into.  You embarrassed me when we went to amusement parks and I was too large to fit into the seats of the rides.  I hate you!   You made me hide in public places.  You kept me silent when I wanted to participate in a group for fear of drawing attention to myself.  You cheated me out of the joy of a plane trip with my husband and instead filled me with dread as I wondered if the seat belt was going to fit around me or if I was going to have to ask for an extender.  I hate you!  You made me embarrassed to laugh and dance and enjoy myself for fear of being laughed at or ridiculed.  You made me a shadow in my own life. 

 Those days are over.

I have reclaimed my power over you and I will never see you again.   I am now less than half of what we were together.  Today I am saying good riddance to the half of me that once was you, forever.  I will not waste a minute mourning your loss nor will anyone else who has carried the burden of you.  You are dead and gone.  If I look back at you it will only be to see how far I have come.  I will be reminded of how strong and powerful I am.  I will walk another half marathon and I will improve my time.  I will fly to exotic locations with my husband.  I will look forward to someday playing with my grandchildren and teaching them how to climb trees, and build forts from refrigerator boxes, and I will be in the fort with them playing and telling them about their mom or dad.  I will continue to put on my bathing suit and teach water aerobics in front of strangers who are now part of my family and I will not give a second thought to my flabby arms or sagging thighs- remnants left by you.  Instead I will rejoice that I have arms and legs that work and let them show as a prize won after a battle which lasted way too long.  I will continue to encourage others to get rid of you forever, and I will support them when they come up short and try again and again and again until they too are rid of you and I will dance.  Oh, how I will dance!!  You see in the process of losing you I found me.  I will never again be a shadow in my life.  I will hold my head up and look to the future with anticipation and joy because now I know without any doubt that I was, and will continue to be worth the effort.

Before 376 pounds.  After 179.6 pounds!  Lost 196.4 pounds without surgery or drugs.