If you know me personally you know part of my story. If you have been following my blog you have barely touched the edges of me. Today I can share with anyone who wants to read this, a letter I wrote to the weight I have lost. This letter was written after weighing in at my usual Weight Watcher's meeting and realizing I had lost more weight than I currently weighed. The realization that I was less than half of who I once was overwhelmed me and so I tried to put those feelings into words.
To the weight I have lost:
You are
gone, good riddance! I lugged you around way too long overwhelmed with
the enormity of you. You no longer have any control or power over me. I
gave you way too much of my time and my life. I hate you! You stole
years from me that I can never replace and filled me with frustration
and sadness. You made me feel ugly and stupid and inadequate. You made
me ashamed of myself. You cheated me out of play time with my children
as they ran through the sprinkler in the front yard and begged me to
join them, when they climbed trees and when they built “forts” out of
discarded furniture boxes which were far too small for me to get into.
You embarrassed me when we went to amusement parks and I was too large
to fit into the seats of the rides. I hate you! You made me hide in
public places. You kept me silent when I wanted to participate in a
group for fear of drawing attention to myself. You cheated me out of
the joy of a plane trip with my husband and instead filled me with dread
as I wondered if the seat belt was going to fit around me or if I was
going to have to ask for an extender. I hate you! You made me
embarrassed to laugh and dance and enjoy myself for fear of being
laughed at or ridiculed. You made me a shadow in my own life.
Those days are over.
I
have reclaimed my power over you and I will never see you again. I am
now less than half of what we were together. Today I am saying good
riddance to the half of me that once was you, forever. I will not waste
a minute mourning your loss nor will anyone else who has carried the
burden of you. You are dead and gone. If I look back at you it will
only be to see how far I have come. I will be reminded of how strong
and powerful I am. I will walk another half marathon and I will improve
my time. I will fly to exotic locations with my husband. I will look
forward to someday playing with my grandchildren and teaching them how
to climb trees, and build forts from refrigerator boxes, and I will be in
the fort with them playing and telling them about their mom or dad. I
will continue to put on my bathing suit and teach water aerobics in
front of strangers who are now part of my family and I will not give a
second thought to my flabby arms or sagging thighs- remnants left by
you. Instead I will rejoice that I have arms and legs that work and let
them show as a prize won after a battle which lasted way too long. I
will continue to encourage others to get rid of you forever, and I will
support them when they come up short and try again and again and again
until they too are rid of you and I will dance. Oh, how I will dance!!
You see in the process of losing you I found me. I will never again be
a shadow in my life. I will hold my head up and look to the future
with anticipation and joy because now I know without any doubt that I
was, and will continue to be worth the effort.
Before 376 pounds. After 179.6 pounds! Lost 196.4 pounds without surgery or drugs.
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