Endings and new beginnings

It seems impossible that the baby boy I gave birth to in August 1986 has all of his belongings packed into a U Haul  and is ready to leave South Carolina tomorrow morning and head to Centreville, Virginia where he will begin his career and adult life as an Electrical Engineer.  Where did the time go and why did it have to go by so quickly?  I am so very proud of the man he has become and the things he has already accomplished but my heartstrings are stretched beyond their comfort level and I feel them tugging and even fighting to pull him back; slow down, don't go, wait, I'm not ready.  I'm not ready...

Tonight we will go have dinner, the last dinner we will eat together for a while and we will enjoy the easy conversation and his smile.  I will order that piece of chocolate cake I have waited to have for months now and I will share it but it won't fill the enormous hole I am feeling in my heart.  I need him to stay just as I needed his sister to stay but I know I will let him go.  He will do so well and he will be happy.  There is a very special woman waiting for him to arrive and I am certain she can hardly wait to have him there so as my heart fights to let him go and be the man he has become, her heart is skipping beats as she waits for him to arrive.

Here is the letter I wrote to him the morning of his High School graduation.  I feel the need to share it with him again.  I have changed some of the wording to make it appropriate for today.

Some Thoughts as you Walk Towards Your Future

August 8^, 1986 seems like just yesterday and yet here you are with a Masters Degree in Electrical  and Computer Engineering ready to leave home to begin your career and set off on a whole new set of adventures.  Daddy and I are so very proud of you!  You have grown to be a fine young man.  You have always given all of yourself to everything you have attempted and the rewards have been many.  I remember those first few hesitant steps which quickly became a run.  I remember the first night you slept without your blanket.  I remember the first time you fell and scraped your knee and wanted me to kiss it and make it all better.  I remember you turning and saying, “bye Momma” the first day of Kindergarten and the tug on my heart with the realization you were not so little anymore.  I remember the first time you stood at home plate all dressed in your new baseball uniform and took your first swing at the ball and the pride and excitement on your face when your bat connected with the ball as you ran to first base.  I remember another baseball that hit you in the mouth leaving stitch marks on your face and turning your lip inside out  and the coach’s comment that you never cried (at least where he could see you).  I remember every award and every disappointment.  You are an amazing son!  Daddy and I will continue to have new memories of you and will always treasure those we have made.  As you walk out the door and down the steps, walk proudly and know that we are there, forever, cheering for you and ready to offer our support.  So stand up straight, keep your head held high and enjoy every moment of your journey!  You have earned it.

And now some advice from your Momma

Always believe in a power higher than yourself, whether or not you call him God.  Talk to him daily even if it just to say thank you.

Be honest especially when it is hard.

Be true to your word.

Appreciate the gifts you have and use them to the best of your ability.

Give of yourself unselfishly.

Make new friends but always cherish the friends you have.  Let them know they are important to you.

Think before you speak in anger.  Words can be deadly weapons.

Never be hesitant to say I’m sorry and mean it when you say it.

Don’t be afraid to share your heart or love unconditionally.

Set realistic goals for yourself but never be afraid to aim high.

Don’t be afraid to fail.  Sometimes we learn more this way.

Reach for the stars!

Wait!

I love you!

I am ready ..... (sorta)

Step into your future!

Footnote:  Adam has already left the house towards his future.  I could not post this last night as I intended because I needed him to be on his way to avoid the tears that I would undoubtedly shed.  I am ready!  I love you Adam.